What Children Remember Most Is Our Presence. (An Open visit reflection)
What does a child miss most when a father is away?
Is it the things he provides, the advice he gives or simply knowing that he is there?
During a recent Open Visit in September 2026, held as part of the BapaHebat SG Fathering BootCamp at Prison School, fathers were given an opportunity to spend meaningful time with their children and family members.
They played together, exchanged affirmations, held hands, hugged and shared conversations that had been difficult to have while separated.
Two weeks later, eight fathers reflected on what the experience had taught them about their relationships with their children. Although every family’s story was different, several common lessons emerged—and they are relevant to fathers everywhere.
Our children remember how we make them feel
When the fathers recalled the most meaningful part of the visit, they did not focus on the programme or the activities themselves.
They remembered their children’s hugs, smiles, tears and laughter. They remembered holding their children’s hands, hearing words of love and enjoying the simple experience of being together again.
Children may not remember everything we say or provide, but they often remember whether they felt loved, safe and valued in our presence.
Distance does not necessarily erase the bond
Several fathers realised that although they had been physically separated from their children, the emotional bond remained.
Their children continued to love them, miss them and look forward to being reunited with them. For some fathers, this was deeply reassuring. It also reminded them that a relationship can remain alive during difficult circumstances—but it still needs care, honesty and consistent effort.
Whatever distance may exist between a father and child, reconnection can begin with one sincere conversation, one expression of affection or one decision to listen.
Children need more than financial provision
A father’s responsibility to provide is important. However, the reflections showed that children were also longing for something that money could not replace: their father’s presence.
They wanted attention, affection, encouragement and guidance. They wanted their fathers to listen, take an interest in their lives and be present for important milestones.
Providing for our children is part of fatherhood. Being emotionally available to them is also part of fatherhood.
Small actions can begin rebuilding a relationship
The fathers identified practical steps they wanted to take after the visit. These included communicating regularly, listening more attentively, expressing love, giving words of affirmation and becoming more involved in their children’s lives.
None of these actions is complicated. However, when practised consistently, they can communicate something powerful:
You matter to me. I am listening. I want to be part of your life.
Relationships are rarely rebuilt through one grand gesture. They are strengthened through small actions repeated over time.
A reflection for every father
The Open Visit reminded us that fatherhood is not about being perfect. It is about being willing to remain present, learn from our mistakes and take the next meaningful step towards our children.
Wherever you are in your fathering journey, consider asking yourself:
When was the last time my child felt fully seen and heard by me?
What might my child need from me emotionally right now?
What is one small action I can take this week to strengthen our relationship?
We cannot change yesterday, but we can decide how we will show up today.
Sometimes, a new beginning starts with something as simple as listening, offering a sincere affirmation or telling our child:
“I am here, and you matter to me.”
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