Raising Resilient Learners: Fathers Are Learning Too

Sep 27

5 min read

Community Dialogue | 27 September 2026 | SPARKS @ Bukit Canberra

What does it mean to raise a resilient child?

That was the question at the heart of our Community Dialogue, “Motivation & Handling Obstacles: How Fathers Can Raise Resilient Learners,” organised by M³@Woodlands and BapaHebatSG at SPARKS @ Bukit Canberra.

Throughout the morning, our panelists and participants shared perspectives, personal experiences and lessons from their own journeys as parents.

We spoke about motivation, obstacles, failure, presence and the role fathers play when our children encounter difficulties.

But as the conversation developed, another question became equally important:

Are we, as fathers, willing to be resilient learners too?

Resilience Is Not the Absence of Difficulty

We sometimes think resilience means being strong enough to withstand something difficult or being able to bounce back quickly when things go wrong.

But resilience begins long before that.

We do not prepare our children for life by removing every obstacle in front of them.

Our children will experience disappointment. They will make mistakes. They will encounter situations that do not turn out the way they hoped.

As fathers, our instinct may be to protect them, fix the situation or provide the answer. There will certainly be times when our intervention is necessary. But there will also be moments when the more valuable thing we can do is allow our children to experience the difficulty while knowing that we remain beside them.

Resilience can be learned through those everyday experiences — facing a challenge, making a mistake, reflecting on what happened and finding the courage to try again.

Our Children Need Our Presence Before Our Solutions

Another important theme throughout the dialogue was presence.

What does it really mean for a father to be present?

It is more than being physically available. It is about creating a relationship in which our children know that they can come to us — including when they have failed, made a poor decision or are struggling.

Sometimes what our children remember is not the advice we gave, but whether they felt safe enough to come to us.

That distinction matters.

As fathers, we are often tempted to move quickly into problem-solving mode. We want to advise, correct or fix.

But sometimes our children need our presence before they need our solutions.

They need us to listen.

They need us to understand.

And sometimes they simply need to know: Dad is here.

Our Children Can Teach Us Resilience Too

Fatherhood is often described in terms of what fathers need to teach their children.

But learning does not only move in one direction.

Our children can teach us too.

We may watch them recover from disappointment. We may see them adapt to circumstances that we ourselves find difficult. We may witness determination, courage or forgiveness that causes us to reflect on our own responses.

If we are willing to notice these moments, our children's resilience can become part of our own learning as fathers.

That requires humility — recognising that being a father does not mean having all the answers.

Sometimes we teach.

Sometimes we guide.

And sometimes, we learn from the very children we are trying to guide.

Reacting or Responding?

The conversation also explored resilience through trials and tribulations.

When something goes wrong — particularly when our children make mistakes — what happens next?

Do we simply react, perhaps from anger, fear, embarrassment or disappointment?

Or can we learn to respond?

There is an important difference.

Responding gives us the space to ask: What happened? What is my child experiencing? What can we learn from this? What does my child need from me now? And how do we move forward?

Our children will encounter failure.

They will sometimes disappoint us.

And, frankly, we will sometimes disappoint them.

But perhaps resilience is built precisely through that process — falling, reflecting, reconnecting and trying again.

The ability to reconnect is particularly important. A difficult moment does not have to define a relationship. Mistakes can become opportunities for conversation, repair and growth.

There Is No Perfect Child — or Perfect Father

Perhaps one of the most important reminders from the morning was that fatherhood is not about producing a perfect child — and certainly not about becoming a perfect father.

Every father comes into fatherhood from a different starting point.

We have different experiences, strengths, weaknesses and relationships with our own fathers. Our children are different too.

So the fathering journey cannot be about perfection.

It is about remaining present, purposeful and willing to grow alongside our children.

This is closely connected to how we think about fatherhood at BapaHebatSG.

We are not here because we believe fathers are problems that need to be fixed. We believe fathers can continue learning and becoming better — wherever their starting point may be.

Three Reflections We Take Away

Perhaps three ideas have stayed with us most strongly from the conversation:

1. Resilience is not the absence of difficulty.We do not prepare children for life by removing every obstacle in front of them.

2. Our children need our presence before they need our solutions.Sometimes what they remember is not the advice we gave, but whether they felt safe enough to come to us.

3. Fatherhood is not about producing a perfect child — and certainly not about becoming a perfect father.It is about remaining present, purposeful and willing to grow alongside our children.

These are simple ideas, but living them out requires patience, reflection and practice.

A Conversation Built on Lived Experience

What made the morning especially meaningful was that the learning did not come only from the front of the room.

Fathers and participants contributed their own lived experiences, questions and reflections. Those exchanges brought another dimension to the dialogue because fatherhood is ultimately lived in everyday moments — at home, in our relationships and through the challenges our families encounter.

Our sincere appreciation to our panellists Ms Mariam Jaafar, Ustaz Dr Hannan Hassan and Azri Zulfarhan, and our moderator Dr Shamsuri Juhari, for bringing their perspectives and experiences so generously into the conversation.

We are equally grateful to the fathers, mothers and other participants who joined us and contributed openly to the discussion, and to M³@Woodlands, People’s Association and SPARKS @ Bukit Canberra, together with the volunteers and everyone who helped make the dialogue possible.

The positive feedback and reflections shared by participants after the session were encouraging. More importantly, they remind us of the value of creating spaces where fathers and families can speak honestly, listen to one another and continue learning together.

Fathers as Resilient Learners

We began the morning asking:

How can fathers raise resilient learners?

Perhaps we should leave with a slightly different question.

Not simply:

How can we raise more successful children?

But:

How can we become the kind of fathers from whom resilient children can draw strength?

That requires more than teaching our children how to overcome obstacles.

It requires us to model what it means to learn from mistakes, to remain present through difficult moments, to reconnect when relationships are strained, and to continue growing ourselves.

Because our children are not the only ones on a journey.

We are learning too.

BapaHebatSG — Supporting the Fathering Journey.